wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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