just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
