did you get engaged???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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