The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
