so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
