I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
