I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
