This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
