I cockslap morals
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
