I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
