You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
