I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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