we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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