Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
