I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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