We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
