It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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