He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
