Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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