shes about as inviting as chlamydia
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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