hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
