I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
