Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
