My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
