guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
