Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
