Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
