Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
