my sisters under your porch take her home
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
