Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
