He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
