My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
