If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
vagina is talking i cant
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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