the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
