She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
