3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
