my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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