hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
