sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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