i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
