Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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