Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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