Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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