dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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