strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
