I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
