He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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