No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
