was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
