Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
