get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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