I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
